Satire · HSK 6

Star of the Month

The whole office scrambles for the Star Employee honor, until someone reads the fine print beneath the certificate.

Scene 1: The Brand-New Gold Plaque

周一早上,行政部在墙上挂起一块金灿灿的牌子,上面印着四个大字:本月之星。

zhōuzǎoshàngxíngzhèngzàiqiángshàngguàkuàijīncàncàndepáizishàngmiànyìnzheběnyuèzhīxīng

Monday morning, the admin department hung a gleaming gold plaque on the wall, four big characters printed across it: Star of the Month.

经理把全组人召集到牌子底下,语气里满是难以掩饰的兴奋。

jīngquánrénzhàodàopáizixiàmǎnshìnányǎnshìdexīngfèn

The manager gathered the whole team beneath the plaque, his voice brimming with barely concealed excitement.

Manager

从这个月起,最突出的同事,照片就挂在这儿,让大家都看得见!

cóngzhègeyuèzuìchūdetóngshìzhàopiànjiùguàzàizhèérràngjiādōukànjiàn

Starting this month, whoever has the best performance gets their photo hung right here, for everyone to see!

Xiao Lin

那……当选的人有没有奖金啊?

dāngxuǎnderényǒuméiyǒujiǎngjīna

So... does the winner get a bonus or anything?

Manager

奖金嘛,公司正在研究。才是最珍贵的,对不对?

jiǎngjīnmagōngzhèngzàiyánjiūróngcáishìzuìzhēnguìdeduìbuduì

A bonus, well, the company is looking into it. Recognition is what truly matters, don't you think?

Scene 2: The Silent Race

为了那张挂在墙上的照片,整个办公室的气氛悄悄变了味。

wèilezhāngguàzàiqiángshàngdezhàopiànzhěngbàngōngshìdefēnqiāoqiāobiànlewèi

All for that one photo on the wall, the mood across the whole office quietly soured.

老张天天最晚走,临走前还故意把灯关得砰砰响,生怕经理没听见。

lǎozhāngtiāntiānzuìwǎnzǒulínzǒuqiánháidēngguānpēngpēngxiǎngshēngjīngméitīngjiàn

Old Zhang was the last to leave every single day, and on his way out he'd deliberately flick the lights off with a loud bang, terrified the manager might not hear it.

Old Zhang

哎,我这人就是闲不住,活儿不干完,心里不踏实。

āizhèrénjiùshìxiánzhùhuóérgānwánxīnshí

Ah, I just can't sit still, that's the kind of guy I am. If the work isn't done, I can't rest easy.

小林也,把周末的截图发到了群里,配上一个微笑的表情。

xiǎolíngānshìruòzhōujiābāndejiédàoleqúnpèishàngwēixiàodebiǎoqíng

Not to be outdone, Xiao Lin posted a screenshot of her weekend overtime to the group chat, topped off with a little smiley face.

Scene 3: The Fine Print

月底揭晓,老张果然当选,照片被郑重地贴上了那块金牌子。

yuèpíngxuǎnjiēxiǎolǎozhāngguǒrándāngxuǎnzhàopiànbèizhèngzhòngtiēshànglekuàijīnpáizi

At the end of the month the results were announced, and sure enough Old Zhang won; his photo was solemnly pasted onto that gold plaque.

他正地仰着头欣赏,眼角却瞥见牌子最下面有一行极小的字。

zhèngměiyǎngzhetóuxīnshǎngyǎnjiǎoquèpiējiànpáizizuìxiàmiànyǒuhángxiǎode

He was tilting his head back, basking smugly in the sight, when out of the corner of his eye he caught a line of tiny print at the very bottom of the plaque.

Old Zhang

本月之星……享有优先紧急项目之权利?这是什么意思?

běnyuèzhīxīngxiǎngyǒuyōuxiānchéngdānjǐnxiàngzhīquánzhèshìshénme

Star of the Month... shall enjoy the privilege of being first in line to take on urgent projects? What is that supposed to mean?

话音未落,经理就笑眯眯地走过来,手里抱着厚厚一摞文件。

huàyīnwèiluòjīngjiùxiàozǒuguòláishǒubàozhehòuhòuluòwénjiàn

Before the words had even left his mouth, the manager came strolling over with a beaming smile, a thick stack of documents in his arms.

Scene 4: A Well-Deserved Reward

Manager

老张啊,恭喜恭喜!这个临时加急的方案,非你这位明星不可了。

lǎozhāngagōnggōngzhègelínshíjiādefāngànfēizhèwèimíngxīngle

Old Zhang, congratulations, congratulations! This last-minute rush proposal, well, who else but our star could possibly handle it?

整个办公室霎时安静得能听见针掉在地上,刚才还较着劲的人纷纷低下了头。

zhěngbàngōngshìshàshíānjìngnéngtīngjiànzhēndiàozàishànggāngcáiháijiàozhejìnderénfēnfēnxiàletóu

In an instant the whole office fell so silent you could hear a pin drop, and the people who had just been competing all lowered their heads.

Xiao Lin

(小声)原来这颗星,是越亮越要命啊。

xiǎoshēngyuánláizhèxīngshìyuèliàngyuèyàomìnga

(under her breath) So it turns out the brighter this star shines, the deadlier it gets.

第二个月,那块金牌子下面排起了长队——大家地请假。

èryuèkuàijīnpáizixiàmiànpáilechángduìjiāzhēngxiānkǒnghòuqǐngjià

The following month, a long line formed beneath that gold plaque, everyone falling over themselves to request time off.

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